If they can get past how emotionally charged the word is, I think most people would want to consider themselves “feminists”. We live in a progressive society, and after literally THOUSANDS of years of patriarchal civilization, we are only now starting to apply the idea that maybe, just maybe, women are actually equal to men and shouldn’t be held back by them. And it’s WORKING.
We have women in government, women in science, women in business, and the world is humming along pretty well. I’m optimistic enough to think that most civilized people wouldn’t be against any of that. Who would seriously sit there and tell you with a straight face that they DON’T want women to be empowered?
Now, on the other hand, there is a LOT of disagreement about exactly what that means, and we see quite a bit of it in sugaring and sex work. I do want to be clear, as I have been in the past, that I do NOT consider sugaring to actually BE sex work, and in fact I think people who believe that it is are straight ignorant.
But I’m talking about them together because there are plenty of feminists who think that both are pretty much just more ways for men to exploit women like they always have in history. So I want to get into why I really think these opinions are wrong, and it’s totally possible to have feminist sex workers AND feminist sugar babies.
First, let me start with the obvious: Feminism is about CHOICE. The best way to empower a woman. or anybody else, is to get out of her fucking way and let her choose her own destiny. Then RESPECT her choices, and don’t accuse her of dragging down the entire gender because you don’t like how she freely wants to live her life.
This means that if a woman wants to live a more traditional life as a housewife who takes care of the home while living off her husband’s income, then as long as it’s her actual desire and she’s happy that way, it shouldn’t mean she can’t be a feminist. Likewise, a feminist sugar baby or sex worker shouldn’t have to hear all the time about how she’s being “exploited” if she’s doing what she wants to do.
But I want to dig deeper than that basic point, because there’s a lot further to dig. People don’t realize just how powerful a woman can become by choosing one of these “exploited” lifestyles. For one thing, being either a sex worker or sugar baby completely shatters the very real wage gap between males and females. A sugar baby, or a stripper or escort, can EASILY make many times what a man of her age and level of education can hope to earn.
Now, I should point out that just as I don’t believe sugar babies are sex workers, I’m not really on-board with the idea that they’re “workers” at all. Like I’ve said before, a sugar relationship is just a natural relationship, the kind men and women have been building for centuries, only more honest about what’s really going on. If the housewife who is financially taken care of by her husband isn’t “professionally married”, then there’s also no such thing as a professional sugar baby.
But whatever you want to call the relationship itself, the money you can get from it is definitely income, and it’s GOOD income.
Again, I definitely don’t judge the housewife if she’s happy where she is, but sugar babies have a whole lot MORE independence and control over their lives than she does, because they’re receiving their own money that they can choose to save, put toward an education, or whatever else they may want. A woman who has the cash to live pretty much as she wants, even if that includes ending her relationship with the man she’s seeing, certainly sounds like a feminist sugar baby to me.
I also want to take a moment to defend the sugar DADDIES, here, because putting aside the occasional asshole (which exists in ANY group), they’re some of the kindest, most charming, and most DECENT guys I’ve ever met. They aren’t exploiters looking to take advantage of women. They’re strong, confident men who want a little companionship, and they’re willing to share the success they’ve earned in order to get it.
I have felt disrespected, disregarded, and demanded by regular boyfriends WAY more in my life than I ever have by a sugar daddy, and I’ve had more stimulating conversations with and learned more valuable life lessons from sugar daddies than from boyfriends. Why WOULDN’T a feminist be a sugar baby? A feminist sugar baby can have a richer, fuller life than she’d be able to alone just by spending time with some truly awesome people.
Feminist sugar babies also learn to be deeper and more patient people. Because in sugar, you just don’t care as much about appearances. I mean, everyone wants to be with someone they find physically attractive, but it’s never been a top priority for women the way it is for men, because the fact is, women REALLY want to be with men who have resources.
Sugar is honest about that, and it helps a woman look past surface imperfections and give a guy the chance to show who he is on the inside. This, literally, makes you a better person, and you carry that with you WAY past the sugaring part of your life.
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So, I’m doing what I want with my life, it’s providing me income that guarantees I have the freedom to leave whenever I choose, AND it’s improving me as a human being in just about a million ways. Yet I’m being exploited, my dignity is being compromised, and God know what other shit? Give me a break.
No one believes in girl power more than I do, and being a sugar baby, a FEMINIST sugar baby, is one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. And while I’ve known girls who have tried sugaring and later decided it wasn’t for them, I have NEVER met someone who regretted her time as a sugar baby. This experience will make a positive difference in your life, if you just let it.
In a larger sense, though, I’ve found it’s best to heed the ancient wisdom, “haters gonna hate”. When people come at you saying that you’re some kind of disgrace to feminism and you’re selling out and you’re a bad person and you eat puppies, it’s not even worth letting them get to you. If you sugar, you’re betraying women; if you don’t have any way of making money, though, well then you’re lazy.
You just can’t win with some people, so don’t play their game. Sugaring is one of the most empowering, liberating, and rewarding things you can do. Whether you do it for a few years when you’re young or you’re still seeing sugar daddies in your 40s (hey, some women do!), it teaches you lessons and pays dividends that NEVER stop.
It’s just a fact that if you embrace this lifestyle for what it is, you will end up a stronger, more mature woman. And THAT’s some feminist sugar, baby!