Even with websites like SeekingArrangement.com making it, well, not mainstream but at least more visible and better understood, there are still a LOT of misconceptions about sugaring. That really sucks, to me, because some of the things people think are pretty ugly, and can do a lot of harm to both sugar daddies and sugar babies.
But even when it’s just simple mistakes about what sugaring is and how it works, believing things that just aren’t true leads to wrong impressions about it, which doesn’t help anyone who participates in it as much as the truth would. So let’s talk about REAL sugar daddy dating for a while, and lose some of the most widespread myths that exist about it.
1: Sugar Babies Are Just Prostitutes!
This has got to be THE biggest mistake people make, and probably the single most harmful to all sugar babies, which is why it’s at the top of the list. So let’s dance. Is being a sugar baby legal?
Um, duh? I’ve been listening to these whiny pencil-dicks shrieking about how sugaring is prostitution for YEARS now, and you know what they all have in common? They all seem to look at just the surface of an issue and move on, without really giving it any deep thought. That’s what they do to sugar daddy dating relationships, which they won’t even pause to examine long enough to realize that they ARE relationships.
And that’s the most important difference between a sugar baby and a prostitute: Prostitutes get paid to have sex, usually with guys they’re never going to see again. Sugar babies, if you like, get paid to have relationships. Though honestly, I never quite feel comfortable saying even THAT, because it’s really the same thing as saying that a housewife who lives off her husband’s income is getting paid to be married.
Sugar relationships are basically just traditional dating relationships that are up-front about the man providing for the woman. Sugar daddies do all the same things for their sugar babies that a regular boyfriend would do for his girlfriend (or a husband would do for his wife) at any point more than 50 years ago: Provide financially for both her necessities AND her luxuries.
Sugar dating is about relationships, not sexual transactions
But somehow, when that kind of one-direction material giving that men and women have been doing for thousands of years gets made explicit and called an “arrangement”, suddenly it’s prostitution? ESPECIALLY when many sugar couples, just like many normal couples, don’t even have sex? Give me a break.
2: Sugar Babies Are Always Submissive to a Dominant Sugar Daddy
This really depends on the couple. I just said that sugar relationships are like traditional dating and marriage, and there’s certainly a stereotype of husbands holding all the power over their housewives. And a lot of that is because back in the day, men were supposed to be the “breadwinners”; they earned all the family’s money, so of course what they say goes, right?
But I think we all know it was never really that simple. Just watch some old shows from the 50s and 60s, and you’ll notice the trope about the wife, even though she doesn’t have a job, actually wearing the pants in her relationship with her husband. That husband could well be a rich businessman like Mr Spacely from The Jetsons, but he’s still terrified of his wife and can be made to sleep on the couch on any given night if he upsets her.
Wealthy men are often looking for relationships in which they can be submissive.
I also remember an episode of Mr Ed (yeah, the one with the talking horse), where Wilbur’s wife was mad at him for some reason and punished him by bringing him fish for lunch every day while he worked in the barn. Pretty soon, he got really tired of eating fish all the time and was clearly suffering, but he never questioned his wife’s authority to force him to eat whatever she decided.
Now, none of this means that the flow of money doesn’t often create a power imbalance. Of course it does. But it doesn’t HAVE to, and it’s up to each couple if it should. Hell, the imbalance can even run the other way, since some sugar daddies enjoy being submissive and taking orders from their sugar babies to turn over money. It’s called financial domination, or “findom”, and it’s a pretty big fetish, especially online.
3: Sugar Daddy Dating is All About Sex
Sugar daddies want RELATIONSHIPS, not necessarily sex. Like with any other relationship, sex may or may not happen; it’s WAY off from certain, and a stupid reason by itself to look for a sugar baby. A lot of sugar couples will meet, get to know each other, and realize they don’t “click” long before they ever get to the bedroom.
Other times, they may just decide they want to keep things platonic. And no, this isn’t always because the sugar baby won’t put out; if anything, it’s USUALLY the sugar daddy who doesn’t want to get sexual. He may be married and isn’t willing to cheat on his wife, he may prefer a paternal relationship with his sugar baby (especially if he always wanted a daughter and never had one), or he may just be an old man now who isn’t as preoccupied with sex as maybe he was when he was younger.
Platonic sugar dating is actually more popular than people think. Sometimes it makes sense for men, especially when they’re married.
Sugaring is NOT about hooking up, and sugar daddies have more than enough money to hire an escort if that’s what they want. Hell, they could usually have a Roman orgy a month with SEVERAL escorts for less money than they’d spend on a single sugar baby in that same time, so people who think sugar daddies are just a bunch of horndogs are doing some serious Common Core math for THAT to make sense.
4: Online-only Sugaring is a Fantasy
I hear this myth so damn much, and I’ve made it one of my goals in life to kill it.
Online-only sugaring is just what it sounds like: A sugar relationship that’s done entirely online. The sugar baby and her sugar daddy talk and stream video over systems like Skype and FaceTime, they text each other, and they chat over the old-school phone. They usually live in different states or even different countries, and in most cases they never meet in person, let alone go out on actual dates. Despite that, the sugar daddy still gives his sugar baby an allowance that’s about the same as he would pay in-person, and he buys her gifts that get shipped to her door.
I could sit here and explain all the reasons why guys are willing to do this, even knowing that the relationship won’t have any physical aspect. But if you’re reading my blog and you doubt that this is real, the best thing I can do is show you. The way to become an online-only sugar baby is to sign up to work on a cam site.
Of them all, Chaturbate seems to have the most “whales”, or big spenders, and some of those are looking for an online sugar baby. What you want to do is make friends with a few of those, and eventually you’ll get a sugar daddy. But before that happens, go around and talk to some of the other cam models. Seriously, you don’t have to take my word for this. Online-only sugar daddies are real, and the cam girls on Chaturbate can tell you all about them.
Alright, those are the four most widespread and harmful myths about sugar daddy dating. I’ll probably cover some more in a future post. Laters!